Monday, December 26, 2011

My Overlord Returned

For the celebration of Saturnalia. He was greatly perturbed at my failure to keep the fires of furnace four burning. "There are great abbundances of wood laid by Furnace Four. You only need add it to the furnace. Do not add furniture, even if you think it is old and discarded."

He didn't even beat me.

After several weeks of Revelry, the overlord and his retinue vanished in sulfurous smoke. Yesterday, he sent a message posted in foot tall letters of fire on the south wall of the courtyard: KEEP THE FIRES OF FURNACE 4 OR UPON MY RETURN YOU WILL TEND FURNACE 4 FROM WITHIN

that is som serius stuf.

Monday, August 22, 2011

Where im I going?

I keep thinking I am on the verge of a great adventure. Which terrifies me, but also is extremely disappointing every day it doesn't happen. It is only just around the next tomorrow or over the next rainbow. [Where did the leperchaun go? I really need to talk to him about the supstitution of gold bullion over the soup at the end of rainbows. It is absolutely no good eating gold bullion. And he makes the best soup.]

Anyways, my Overlord has been gone for ages. He and all the happy minions are gone. The house loan is, according to the bank, "up in the air." I am not exactly sure what that means. I hope it comes down.

Friday, July 29, 2011

"Every cloud has a silver lining."

That is what my boss said, today. We were looking up at a black sky lighted occasionally by silver flashes, but that was the only silver either of us could discern. The clouds were black above us. Below we stood in twilight, even though it was noon. No breeze, not the slightest hint of wind stirred. The sweltering heat seemed impossible with a cover that dark. The entire world seemed to be holding its breath.

Faint, but quickly growing into the familiar shriek, tornado sirens started. Just as the sirens became loud and clear, their cries were oblitterated by the roar. The breath the world had been holding hit us with full force. Sand and small pebbles blew into us with sound like a freight train rolling at top speed.

Sunday, June 19, 2011

Old Job, New Expectations, And Loan Applications

As I don't think I mentioned, I got laid off from the job in town some time ago. About the same time the Overlord vanished for good [hehe... for good.] My boss came by the end of the week and told me to be there on Monday. Woohoo!! I get to be back making money! Eating real food!

But, that's not all, because there was no work at my old job some of the other employees took new jobs, so there's going to be lots of work to do. This is very good. My job used to get very tiresome. Now there will be all sorts of things to do.

My boss also thinks this dreary fortress is too far from work, so he has offered to help me buy a house.

Can you imagine: Me, in my very own house? I can't. But there it is. I spent the last two days filling out loan applications with lots a different banks. It's fun. I mean little ol' me walking into a full blown bank with people in suits and ties, the whole bit. It's a wee bit intimidating. Well, actually a whole lot more than a wee bit... It is really, truly terrifying.

But things are looking better all the time.

Sunday, June 12, 2011

How Long Can We Stay Awake Without Sleeping?

We start at a reasonable time on Sunday morning say about nine-ish... And wake about ten-ish Tuesday night having no idea how we came to be sleeping in the courtyard. We'll say: 32 hours.

Wednesday morning six thirty, we start... complete fail we are asleep by seven Wednesday. Only: 12 hours.

Thursday two in the morning... Sunday wake up at four in the morning on battlement. Guessing: more than 48 hours?

A big shock: Somebody actually is following us, here. Doesn't look like an overlord, though. More of an adventurer... Huh? why is an adventurer following us. [Don't look, pretend she is not following. Maybe she will go away.]

Not quite as big of shock, once, we realized where we'd seen her before. Trying to stay awake... Shhh!

Minion D., you have betrayed our presence to an adventurer. This can only turn out poorly with no big overlord to protect us or a bigger minion to distract her.

If it comes to a fight, D. distract, while I run away.

Friday, May 27, 2011

Long Time No Work

Fortune smiles upon us, warm days no need for further heating of drafty fortress complex. Spring has come with little yummy birds and tasty rabbits and green things growing in the courtyard. Yes, certain green things are edible, not good, but edible. And easier to catch.

The castle is very creepy without anyone here, but Minion D.. We talk often, but rarely reach any definite conclusions. One we have reached is that the Overlord is not here. Will the Overlord return? We don't know.

Minion S.'s hovel is empty. We can find no minions anywhere. Is there a seven-year spring migration that we were not informed of?

Thursday, May 12, 2011

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

Laid off

Got laid off from my job.

Back to grovelling before the nonexistential form of the Mighty Overlord.

I wish I could find him just to be sure of where he is.

Thursday, March 31, 2011

"Okay, So there is this very toxic substance..."

I love Overlord monologues that start with the words:
"Alright boys, we have a new job. MA-1, as you all know, has fallen into disfavor. He was licensed, certified, and qualified for this job. And you aren't. But nevermind, that is unimportant. I have a job for you. There's this stuff, I want you to apply to our product before we ship it.

"Overminion LL-A will explain your part in this."

Overminion LL-A is the biggest minion around, except for Overminion TR-A and Minion WP-2. He is bigger than your average gorilla, evil tempered, vile smelling, cunning, and maliciousumm? overminion [yes, we'll use overminion].

I found overminion LL-A in his dwelling: a building with four walls and a door. He looked at me and said, "Ah D, I was just waiting for you. To implement your Overlord's new plan. Okay, so there is this very toxic subtance..." [I fell into a form of trance at this point.]

To sum up apparently my Great and Powerful Overlord: "He Who Must Be Obeyed, AND Not Made To Wait" wants this "stuff" that requires a full-body suit and SCBA equipment applied to his new product, immediately, by yours truly.

Friday, March 4, 2011

Two weeks on the rack really loosens you up.

A word of warning to anyone who doesn't know what thumbscrews are: THEY ARE PAINFUL!

My most powerful Overlord had his brand new cfc [2010] destroyed by a falling minion. MA-1 "fell" off the battlements. Since Minion B was up there, too; "fell" is probably less accurate than some other terms I can think of. But who wants to tell the great and terrible Overlord that you kinda, sorta pushed someone of the battlements on to his new truck's hood?

Now that MA-1 is recovering nicely from his fall, they released me from the rack. I still think that was a lowsy punishment for burning a couch he doesn't even use.

Saturday, February 12, 2011

The Overlord is Gone. {Part I and 2}

The Overlord is gone. I have no idea where he went or when he left. All the other minions are gone, too. The castle and caves are very quiet. Only six furnaces belch smoke into the pristine atmosphere. [It is still cold. I had to have some source of heat. I hope he doesn't mind that I used his old couch as fuel.]


[The above was interupted by the Overlord looking for his old couch.]

So if you're desperate for a minion, remember me, please.

Monday, January 17, 2011

Cold and Evil Overlord

I was apprehended smoking in the castle [It's COLD outside.] by my Overlord. It's not like he doesn't have thousands of furnaces belching smoke at all hours of the day and night, but one little cigarette in the courtyard, and he goes berserk. I even put the butts in the trash, unlike Minion K. or MA-1. Still he started yelling at me. Telling me what a good-for-nothing, lazy minion I am. I should be grateful for a snug cave and not go out of my way to antagonize him. [Believe me, I would have preferred to avoid his notice. not antagonize the Overlord.]

Besides where does he get off thinking thenotionI'm lazy? I got a job, didn't I? I donate a hundred percent of my earnings to the financial security of the castle, minus a small portion for motivational activities: fuel and alcohol, mostly. [oh... and tobacco, but that is a de minimis amount compared to the fuel and alcohol.]

So now I must smoke outside the castle.

Any Overlords out there desiring a smoking, not burning, [I don't like burning, at all] minion?

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

No more snow. But bitterly cold.

Minion K. lives in Minion S.'s hovel leagues upon leagues from the castle. Minion S.'s hovel was one of our Overlord's first attempts to deal with "finances." Later, he convinced Minion S. to explore the wide-world seeking power grabs for the Overlord and packed as many of his minions as possible into Minion S.'s hovel, while he was off exploring. Now, I believe, only Minion K. resides in Minion S.'s hovel. I am unsure where the other minions have got to. It's not like we eat each other, usually.

Anyways Minion K. was gifted by the Overlord a diesel contraption for conveyance, which today he walked up to the castle claiming it was jelled. He wanted to borrow another contraption for conveyance from the Overlord, and Head Minion J. just let him. That is just stupid, make the minion suffer, as long as it's not me, [oh, one of those things I shouldn't say] stupid I say.

So apparently bitterly cold, today. I think I'll go to work. The office is heated, if I can get there. I will take my contraption for conveyance [cfc, I bought it myself. It is heated.]

Oh, I just clawed out of my pile of furs, and it is frigid. So this will end now.

I am a very self-reliant minion, that should count for something in getting a new position, right?

Monday, January 10, 2011

Snow! Snow! Snow!

It snowed all night. Now there are mounds of the stuff in the back courtyard. The Overlord issued orders to all the nearby minions: Minion K. to shovel the Overlord's walks. Fortunately, I was still asleep under a mound of old furs in my cheery, chilly cave. It is so white and sparkly.

And very cold. Minion K. deserved it, he does nothing but wander around the castle and listen to everything the boring old Overlord has to say to him. Hm. perhaps I should not write that. New Overlords probably want every minion to think they are witty and charming. It was cold. I was glad Minion K. was able to take care of the walks, before I was awake. Not that I have anything against shoveling snow in the cold. It is the desire of every minion to do the will of his Overlord.

Maybe I should note that: Preferably an Overlord from a warmer climate.

As you can see I am a perfect minion, seeking advancement from an underachieving Overlord.

Sunday, January 9, 2011

Welcome, I believe introductions are in order:

I am Daniel, the Lowly Minion. Or Minion D. for short, or just D. It does not bother me in the least, just be consistent.

I live in a cave below my current Overlord's castle. For years now he has done nothing Ovelord-ish at all. Just sits up there, complaining about finances. The only commands he has given me in the last six years are:

1. "Get a job, you lazy bum."
2. "Clean up this hell hole."
3. "If you were to move out, this cave would make an awesome game room." [Technically, not a command, but a very strong suggestion.]

Fortunately, he does not bestir himself from his couch before the all knowing black screen [only black when he has bestirred himself] to wander down into the bowels of his castle, often.

It is quite safe and snug in my cave. I painted the walls a bright, cheery yellow. In the torchlight it is quite cheerful. I am not a drear fellow, all the time. In fact, I have been quite happy for the past six years, but things are changing [not the Overlord, other things] I find myself wondering what it is like for minions who lose their overlords? How do they survive in the cruel world? What with mean, nasty adventurers always out to squeeze a minion of his lunch money? If my Overlord should expel me from my safe, snug, yellow cave, where would I go? How could I survive?

And so I am looking for a new position with a more active Overlord: Any takers?