Monday, January 17, 2011

Cold and Evil Overlord

I was apprehended smoking in the castle [It's COLD outside.] by my Overlord. It's not like he doesn't have thousands of furnaces belching smoke at all hours of the day and night, but one little cigarette in the courtyard, and he goes berserk. I even put the butts in the trash, unlike Minion K. or MA-1. Still he started yelling at me. Telling me what a good-for-nothing, lazy minion I am. I should be grateful for a snug cave and not go out of my way to antagonize him. [Believe me, I would have preferred to avoid his notice. not antagonize the Overlord.]

Besides where does he get off thinking thenotionI'm lazy? I got a job, didn't I? I donate a hundred percent of my earnings to the financial security of the castle, minus a small portion for motivational activities: fuel and alcohol, mostly. [oh... and tobacco, but that is a de minimis amount compared to the fuel and alcohol.]

So now I must smoke outside the castle.

Any Overlords out there desiring a smoking, not burning, [I don't like burning, at all] minion?

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

No more snow. But bitterly cold.

Minion K. lives in Minion S.'s hovel leagues upon leagues from the castle. Minion S.'s hovel was one of our Overlord's first attempts to deal with "finances." Later, he convinced Minion S. to explore the wide-world seeking power grabs for the Overlord and packed as many of his minions as possible into Minion S.'s hovel, while he was off exploring. Now, I believe, only Minion K. resides in Minion S.'s hovel. I am unsure where the other minions have got to. It's not like we eat each other, usually.

Anyways Minion K. was gifted by the Overlord a diesel contraption for conveyance, which today he walked up to the castle claiming it was jelled. He wanted to borrow another contraption for conveyance from the Overlord, and Head Minion J. just let him. That is just stupid, make the minion suffer, as long as it's not me, [oh, one of those things I shouldn't say] stupid I say.

So apparently bitterly cold, today. I think I'll go to work. The office is heated, if I can get there. I will take my contraption for conveyance [cfc, I bought it myself. It is heated.]

Oh, I just clawed out of my pile of furs, and it is frigid. So this will end now.

I am a very self-reliant minion, that should count for something in getting a new position, right?

Monday, January 10, 2011

Snow! Snow! Snow!

It snowed all night. Now there are mounds of the stuff in the back courtyard. The Overlord issued orders to all the nearby minions: Minion K. to shovel the Overlord's walks. Fortunately, I was still asleep under a mound of old furs in my cheery, chilly cave. It is so white and sparkly.

And very cold. Minion K. deserved it, he does nothing but wander around the castle and listen to everything the boring old Overlord has to say to him. Hm. perhaps I should not write that. New Overlords probably want every minion to think they are witty and charming. It was cold. I was glad Minion K. was able to take care of the walks, before I was awake. Not that I have anything against shoveling snow in the cold. It is the desire of every minion to do the will of his Overlord.

Maybe I should note that: Preferably an Overlord from a warmer climate.

As you can see I am a perfect minion, seeking advancement from an underachieving Overlord.

Sunday, January 9, 2011

Welcome, I believe introductions are in order:

I am Daniel, the Lowly Minion. Or Minion D. for short, or just D. It does not bother me in the least, just be consistent.

I live in a cave below my current Overlord's castle. For years now he has done nothing Ovelord-ish at all. Just sits up there, complaining about finances. The only commands he has given me in the last six years are:

1. "Get a job, you lazy bum."
2. "Clean up this hell hole."
3. "If you were to move out, this cave would make an awesome game room." [Technically, not a command, but a very strong suggestion.]

Fortunately, he does not bestir himself from his couch before the all knowing black screen [only black when he has bestirred himself] to wander down into the bowels of his castle, often.

It is quite safe and snug in my cave. I painted the walls a bright, cheery yellow. In the torchlight it is quite cheerful. I am not a drear fellow, all the time. In fact, I have been quite happy for the past six years, but things are changing [not the Overlord, other things] I find myself wondering what it is like for minions who lose their overlords? How do they survive in the cruel world? What with mean, nasty adventurers always out to squeeze a minion of his lunch money? If my Overlord should expel me from my safe, snug, yellow cave, where would I go? How could I survive?

And so I am looking for a new position with a more active Overlord: Any takers?